


The facets of truth

by Sgladiate



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Bellarke, Canon up to 7x14, F/M, I need a Clarke redemption to happen, I'm just convinced Bellamy will live and needed to write something down where he's back, One Shot, POV Clarke Griffin, POV First Person, Simulation, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation, bellamy + clarke, finale!spec, the Last War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26550829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sgladiate/pseuds/Sgladiate
Summary: I stare and the words hit me, over and over, ricocheting against my skull and making my insides sing. It wasn’t real. Not really.OR Clarke wakes up after watching Madi die.My(hopeful, optimistic, naive?)take on the finale.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	The facets of truth

My eyes snap open and the sudden intrusion of light brings white spots into my vision. The buzzing in my ears is loud and I can hear the erratic _thump, thump_ against my chest. It feels like a hammer is stuck inside. It makes my chest throb. The white is blinding. 

Something wet cascades down my brow and falls into my eyes and leaves them stinging; I realise it’s sweat. 

A string of images overtakes my vision.

_Madi. Bleeding._

My head feels hot.

_Blood is everywhere. The black liquid is seeping through the gaps between my fingers. My hands stained black._

The ringing in my ears grows louder. 

_Madi isn’t breathing._

Another fractured memory hits and I remember.

_The shaking gun in my hand. The whizz of a bullet. Bellamy falling back._

I bite my tongue and taste blood. 

_Madi. Bellamy._

It hurts to breathe. The ringing intensifies. 

What have I done?

A black mist starts to eat away at the edges of the white light. 

I feel numb when the white light disappears. 

**

A murmur of voices. I feel myself trying to decipher what they’re saying, but they feel too far away. I feel oblivion pulling me back but I resist. I want to hear the conversation. I try to wake up. Too slowly, the pulling begins to cease and the voices begin to hold meaning. Seconds tick by and I feel more awake. 

“We’ll try again later.”

“We should have managed to bring her out yesterday. I want to try again.”

“Later.”

“Why not now?”

“You know why. Her mind needs to heal. Waking her up before she’s ready can lead to irreversible damage.” 

A beat passes.

“Fine. Tomorrow then. “

I hear footsteps approaching, and try to relax. I don’t want them to know I’m awake. I try to slow my breathing. I concentrate on the faint smell of disinfectant that had been assaulting my nostrils. One of them moves across the room and I hear a swish of air and a click. The other pair of footsteps stop in front of me but before I can start worrying, they begin to retreat. I hear a scrape of something being pulled against the floor and it makes the back of my eyes ache. Then silence. I begin counting to keep myself occupied. When I reach seven hundred and sixteen, I hear the pair of footsteps, and again a swish of air and a click. I wait and then I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding. 

I open my eyes.

I’m in a lab and the lightning is dim. I try to move my hands and note they’re strapped down to a long lounge chair and I pull at them but the restraints only dig deeper into the skin on my wrists, refusing to give away. I let my arms go lax. I glance around and note the pristine white walls and flooring, the metal furniture, a sink, a few chairs; they’re the confirmation I needed to know I’m in Bardo. 

I try to think why I’m here but my mind feels strange. I want to comb through my memories but the task feels like trying to swim through treacle. I concentrate on retrieving the details regardless. They must be somewhere in my head and can feel my forehead wrinkling and my thoughts start to feel fuzzy again. I push away at the sensation and try to think back. What’s the last thing I remember? 

A white light. Then an intense panic. My palms begin to sweat. My heart rate speeds up and I remember and then a part of me wishes I didn’t. I gulp. A ball of hatred at myself unwinds within me, so intense it leaves my body shivering.

I try to breathe through my nose to get my body to back down. I need control now, I tell myself. I can fall apart later. 

I search through my memories, tediously trying to reconstruct the past few days. It’s not quick but I finally manage to remember everything; from Bellamy retreating from the M-Cap room to Madi’s last breath.

I tell myself to only focus on the facts and take a steadying breath. Then another. 

**

A tall man I’ve never seen before comes in, dressed in the standard Bardo issued white robes that make me nauseous and I don’t pretend to be asleep. His lips form into a thin smile when he looks at me. I stare back, keeping my expression neutral, waiting for him to say something. He doesn’t make me wait too long.

“I’m glad you’re awake Clarke.” I raise my eyebrow. I’m at a disadvantage, I want to say. I don’t know your name and you know mine. Then the want for a conversation depletes from my body and I find that I don’t particularly care who he is and what he wants. 

“I know you have questions, but I’m only here to check on how you’re doing. I will bring the Shepherd shortly and he’ll be happy to talk to you.”

“Cut the crap.” The words manage to sound venomous despite being barely above a whisper. I concentrate on looking at a spot on the wall above his head. I’m tired of games and riddles.

He doesn’t answer and proceeds to shuffle around me. I let him take my temperature and connect a machine to my head which shows him my vitals on a screen next to us. I don’t see the point in protesting, I figure there is not much I can do anyway. 

I close my eyes, intent on ignoring him. Eventually he says “It’s been a pleasure,” and I sigh, willing him to just disappear. 

I’m not sure how much time passes but eventually the door opens up again, and I see Cadogan. I feel my hands start to form into fists but I force them to relax and stretch my fingers, the leather of the chair compressing underneath them. 

He comes closer and looms above me. He scrutinizes my face while I his, but I find it unreadable. I see his gaze travelling down to my restrained hands.

“I’m sorry about these. I will take them off once we’re done talking.” 

I purse my lips and they feel like sandpaper. Cadogan is quiet and turns his back towards me, entwining his hands behind him as he walks back and forth. His inability to stand still makes me dizzy but I force my eyes to trail after him anyway. Eventually he stops and turns around, his wispy, long hair escaping from behind his ear at the motion. He licks his lips and then addresses me. 

“You got to see first hand what your selfish love creates, what your lack of cooperation leads to... Innocent people die.” 

At the words my chest tightens and then it feels like it’s splitting in half.

I start crying. 

Cadogan is right.

My love is what killed Madi. It killed everybody I cared for and I feel weak at the realisation. Madi’s words telling me I ruined my life ring true. By prioritising her life in an obsessive way, with no regards to the life around me I ended up killing her and the man I loved. 

“I hope you see it now.”

My breaths are coming out shallow, and I struggle to draw in more oxygen into my burning lungs. My need to keep her unharmed grew into a blinkered obsession that destroyed everything. 

“Yes.” My voice is shrill with tears. I see him smile for the first time since he’d entered the room.

“I’m glad we can agree.”

He moves to remove the restraints but I pay him little attention.

My brain feels raw with grief.

I barely register when he leaves.

I don’t know for how long I'm alone but eventually the door opens again and I see Cadogan. The shadows under his eyes are now bigger than they were earlier. He comes closer to the chair from which I haven’t moved since he left.

“I think enough time has passed for you to have reflected on your actions which led to several losses of life. A pity since it seems like they were quite avoidable.”

I look away from him and register a sharp prick of pain when my nails break the skin on my palms.

“Which, I think will make the next bit of news sound quite out of this world.” He chuckles and looks mildly pleased with himself.

“As you know, the final war will allow us to transcend. A code is needed to start it, and for this we need your assistance.” He pauses. “As we saw, help without belief in the cause is almost worthless, but I believe your most recent experiences showed you the validity of what we believe. That without the last war, there is no hope for humanity.”

I feel myself nodding. If there is any truth to what he’s saying, I have no way of disproving it. For all I know, he’s right. Humanity being a lost cause sounds about right. Hell, I’m the perfect example of destroying those that I love. 

Cadogan's mouth moves and I push past the grief’s cobwebs to hear him.

“After taking you to the M-Cap to extract information about the Key or the Flame as you call it, you were given a sedative.”

I hear my heartbeat in my ears. 

“Then you were brought to this room and connected our processor, as were the rest of your friends.”

I feel the pulse in my head throbbing and the beat in my ears gets louder. I am terrified to guess his next words; that I’m just imagining what I think he’s saying. I daren’t hope but my brain isn’t complying. My muscles are taut and I strain to hear what he says next.

“Your eyes needed to be opened to the truth of our cause and so putting you in a landscape shaped by your collective memories, was essential”

I gasp.

“To clarify, the recent events that occurred where brought on by your worst fears, but the decisions you have made in there were all your own.”

I stare and the words hit me, over and over, ricocheting against my skull and making my insides sing. It wasn’t real. Not _really_. 

“I will hazard a guess that you would like a proof of some sort.” He moves away and shouts over his shoulder, “You can come in now!” 

I hear the door open and shut and I turn my face away from Cadogan to look in their direction.

My breath hitches in my chest.

A mop of black curls. The familiar freckled face. 

A curtain lifts up and my vision clears. The colours look bolder and everything is brighter.

Bellamy is alive.

I don’t register getting up or running but it must happen because suddenly I’m in his arms and my hands are around his neck and I can smell the scent of his skin. 

My sight blurs with tears and I feel his hands tightly encircling my waist.

I hear my wet laugh against the crook of his neck. 

I’m crying.

‘I’m sorry Bellamy. I’m so sorry.”

“Shhh, Clarke it’s ok,” 

His words soothe and I cry harder because I was sure I would never hear him again.

He died by my hand thinking I didn’t care for him and now he’s here. 

“It almost wasn’t ok,” I mutter, my voice breaking.

I draw back to look at his face and my hands fall to rest on his chest and in the corner of my eyes, I see Cadogan leaving and we’re alone.

“We’ve all made mistakes Clarke. We’re fallible. I know that better than most.”

“I killed you.”

“And I forgive you.”

I look into his eyes and I see love and forgiveness and I want to wrap my hands around him again but Bellamy’s hand comes to rest on my shoulder, stopping me. He’s tracing patterns on my skin which burns under his touch and I see him swallow as he tries to pick his next words.

“My actions led you to do what you did, so I’m sorry too. I’m sorry Clarke for putting you in the impossible position of having to pick between what you thought was keeping Madi safe and me.”

“No Bellamy, I didn’t need to do what I did. I could have tried harder at stopping you.”

My hands shake slightly as I run them through my scalp, pushing my hair back and then they fall back against Bellamy’s heart, where I need to feel it beating against my skin.

“Gosh, I don’t even know _what_ to say. I love you and I shot you. How’s that for a paradox?”

“Clarke…” 

I don’t wait for him to say more. I need him to feel what he means to me. I push my hands up from his chest higher past his collarbone until they are resting on his shoulders and I stand up on my toes.

I look into his eyes and my gaze falls onto his lips and I pause, giving him a chance to back away. He doesn’t and I lean in, my lips brushing his hesitatingly, feeling their roundness and addicting warmth. I want more. I push against them harder, kissing them again and again and then he’s parting them and his tongue is in my mouth and his breath becomes mine, and mine his. 

Eventually we pull away and straight away the loss of his lips on mine feels wrong. His eyes meet mine and I get lost in the depths of his and -

“I love you too, Clarke.”

The words hit me like a shower of cold water and I blink while my skin erupts in goosebumps.

“I know what the Shepherd has said about love, but I can’t stop something that runs so deep within me, Clarke. I tried, believe me. I know the whole talk of Transcendence is nonsense to you, but I want to believe that there is something greater out there for us Clarke. That’s my belief but it’s also my belief that I’m in love with you no matter what, and that this love for you runs deep enough that no teachings of the Shepherd will shake it. I believe in the cause, but I don’t have to believe in the Shepherd.”

I blink as the words wash over me, absorbing into my pores, my mind, my soul.

I swallow and my mind runs over his flow of words again.

“Maybe he’s right Bellamy, maybe love is indeed selfish. Just look what I did in the simulation.”

“I no longer believe that.”

“How can you not, though? I gave you the best proof.”

“No Clarke, you showed that love can push us to the extremes but so can many other things. My blind loyalty was the catalyst for you being forced into those circumstances. I just assumed what was said to me to be the ultimate truth, that there was no place for discussion or freedom of interpretation. I didn’t bother explaining more, I just pushed the cause down your throat, believing it was enough to stop you dying. Instead, I should have questioned the leader who was willing to kill you for his beliefs. Clarke, what saves us, is love.”

My lips stretch into a smile, so wide my cheeks hurt. I’m glad Bellamy’s sturdy belief system has been shaken to something that makes more sense as a whole, that he’s being critical and questioning. 

“I’m so glad you’re here, Bellamy.”

He leans down and kisses my forehead and I feel my body drain of tension in what feels like a very long time. I lean on his chest and count the beat of his heart while his breath tingles my cheek. I hope that with enough time I can learn to forgive myself for the choices I’ve made in the simulation, but more importantly, that I can make him believe me that they will remain one of my biggest regrets. 

“When Cadogan comes back, we will have to show we’re fully on board.”

“I know.”

“He knows about Madi.”

“I realise.”

“That means we need to figure out now how we do better, how he gets the key without getting Madi involved.”

“We do it together, Bellamy. I know we can figure this out without anybody else dying.”

He hand squeezes mine in response and I feel lighter, knowing I’m no longer alone in this. 

The door opens but I feel no dread.

We’ve got this. 

**Author's Note:**

> Oooh it felt strange writing in first person. I hope it doesn't come off as such.
> 
> I actually need the idea that the last two episodes were a simulation to happen. That, or some form of afterlife. Anyway, I've set up a twitter account to keep track of the spoilers, theories and beautiful fan videos, so if you're on there, you can find me at @ustillhvhope 
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed it and thanks for reading!


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